A letter for you to send to the person/s who spend the most on you at Christmas. It is important that you make a copy and get it to them before they spend that money on another pile of crap. The fact is, cold but true, all you want for Christmas is gold… precious, valuable, lovely, lovely GOLD!

Dear Husband, Wife or Civil Partner

This year could you p-l-e-a-s-e, please, PLEASE break with tradition and get me something I really want for Christmas? I’m begging you! Look, I know you like to be imaginative and I suppose the Giant Space Hopper horse you bought me last year was amusing (until I had my accident of course, when the bloody thing burst), as was the novelty tea-pot in the shape of a dog but, let me be frank, I’m becoming bored with your sense of humour.

What I want this year is a gold bullion bar – P-L-E-A-S-E – don’t think some gold jewellery will do (your taste is as developed as your humour) – I WANT proper Gold.  I want an asset. I want an investment. I’ve seen just the one I want.  It is shaped like a house brick, has 999.9 stamped on it and weighs 500 grams and it costs about £11,400 or $11,400 – I’m not sure which.  There are smaller Gold Bullions Bars for sale but I don’t want one of those.

You did say to tell you what I wanted this year, so there you go, I want a 500 gram Gold Bullion Bar.

Thanks

Your Wifey

That’s right girls, my name is Gold Linger and ALL I WANT is GOLD!