Another 12 months passed by quickly. We were all busy doing our own thing for the past 365 days. Nonetheless, most of what we do are working and working everyday so as to suffice our daily needs. We almost forgot to breathe and let live for ourselves. I myself almost forgot if there has been a time that I did something for myself. Most of the time, I do something for my family, husband, daughter and my friends. I realized that it was unfair on my part. I know that people nowadays are after on what they can give to others to be accepted and to be liked. I am guilty on that part since I always wanted to see that people around me should always be happy and contented with what i can give or offer to them. Of course, this idea is not bad at all. But then, the more you do these, people will be very dependent and expectant on you. I am writing this because i had a lot of experiences about these situations for the past 2009. So i then made up some realizations as to what are the ways I should do to make my year 2010 more self-focused yet still productive and build good relationships with others.
1. Self-Motivate rather than push others.
I noticed that we are better off on pushing someone to the limit than seeing ourselves highly motivated to start something. I tend to push my husband to do what I like for him to do. Sometimes I look at him as a very pessimistic guy. I realized now that it was really me who aren’t confident enough to go beyond the limit, beyond my capabilities. Whenever i push my husband to do something, he would be hesitant at first, but later on, I can see that he do it when he is ready. Unlike me, if I started doubting myself, I will never try to engage on it.That my friend is called lack of confidence and self motivations.
2. Be frank and straightforward rather than being kind to others.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that we should be harsh in dealing with our family and friends or our colleagues. “Be kind to others”, as a simple rule says. We should but never overuse the word kindness to others, as this may lead to abuse and tolerance. If you are mad, then say it, be frank and say what you really think and feel towards the person. He/she may be hurt deep inside but that is the truth. When you cool down, then explain to him/her what you really feel and think. It is better for them to know the truth than for both of you to suffer kater because you lied about your thoughts and feelings. This is really true especially to our friends and family…we tend to be kinder to them so as not to hurt their feelings. But guess what?, none of them will ever learn to be true to themselves as well.
3. Talk less. and listen more.
I really am a talkative lady. When I was in grade 3, I received a “Very talkative” comment on my scorecard from my teacher. I am not proud of it before, but my attitude as a very “conversationalist person” has done me good things so far. But there are always disadvantages especially in your relationship with others. I tend to talk and talk a lot, share my stories frequently to my friends, but forgetting to listen to them too. I always get to tell them my side, and sometimes I do’n't give them a chance to tell their own side of story. So i will do my best to listen to them and get to know them more than for them to be over acquainted and get bored about me.
4. Patience is a Virtue
Patience- is defined as good-natured tolerance of delay or incompetence (wordreference.com). We may never know what patience really mean before until someone really tests it on us. Before you learn patience, there will be a lot of situations that might lead you to the edge, until you burst out and finally lose the end of the rope. But that is where your patience will be develop, the more you practice it while your in long line in the restaurant, while you are in a traffic jam, and while you are waiting for some successes in your life to happen, the more that you will learn to be patient. Whether you experience delays and incompetence in life, accept that it is part of it, you just need to tolerate it in a good-natured manner.
5. Trust is a holy word…when in doubt, then don’t.
We always trust everyone right? Or at least, I am again guilty on this part. I easily trust someone especially about financial matters. I met this man in our office last May 2009. I immediately trusted the man that I helped him borrow money from someone, I signed his papers as a guarantor. Later on, I was the one who paid for what he borrowed as he already resigned in our office. I should not have trusted him I said, I knew, I doubted and was hesitant before with the idea of being his guarantor. Sometimes, friendships are also jeopardized because of too must trust and familiarity towards each other. Some people measures friendship by someone’s ability to help him/her financially. If you doubt that your friend can pay for what he will borrow from you or from others, then don’t give him the change to destroy your friendship. Don’t lend him the money then, if you want to help, just give what you can offer and what you have. This is to ensure that your friendship will not be broken because of financial matters and lose someone’s trust.
I hope that the year 2010 will another be a great year to everyone of us. We just need to remember that the situations, trials and difficulties we encounter are spices that adds up to the ingredients of building good realtionships with other people, and of course to make us a much better person. The five lists that I shared with you are my resolutions so that I will never do the same mistakes again from the past. To everyone, we should learn how to let go, and then embrace. Embrace the new you and be ready to face whatever 2010 will give you.