If you have a child that whines constantly and sometimes gets aggressive until he gets what he wants, this can be overwhelming, tiring and extremely frustrating.

In fact, it’s his constant whining that causes you to finally give in just to quiet him down. Instinctively you know this is not the right thing to do; but how do you stop the whining without giving in?

Here are some steps you can take to turn this situation around.

Determine if your child has a legitimate need for something or a concern that is causing him to release frustration. If you delay in attending to the child he will persist until he has your attention. Be proactive and determine if this is something that requires your immediate action.

If you already know that this is NOT an immediate and legitimate need; and it is simply the child wanting attention then you should take the step of setting a “developmental limit”. This can be established in the following way:

Step into a counselling role and ‘establish’ or ‘set the limits’. As an example: – in a non-harsh voice and with a caring expression, say to him, “sweetheart – not right now, perhaps later.” By speaking this out, you have established the limit.

The next step is essential. You will need to keep calm and just ‘listen’ – nothing else.

Your child may begin to cry to throw a temper tantrum. It may seem difficult to sit there and not doing anything; but by being attentive without giving in to the non-essential need, you are teaching him that you will not respond to that behaviour. Likely he will come out of the crying and forget what he was so desperate to have.

You will need to prepare yourself to spend the ‘listening time’ with your child to correct this behaviour. If you know your child likes to whine and you want to stop it, you need to take steps to teach him this will not work. Be prepared, it could take an hour or more for him to work through the tantrum, especially the first or second time your go through this.

By being able to listen to his feelings for this lengthy time, you will find that these moments of ‘limit setting’ will become fewer and fewer. By listening and attending in a loving way but not responding to his demands, you are helping him remove tensions as he releases stress

For many parents, this may feel uncomfortable watching your child cry or go through a tantrum so getting support by talking with your spouse or a friend can be helpful.

The Results:

By taking the time to listen to the deep feelings your child is experiencing, you will help him work through these feelings himself. He will soon understand that whining does not get him what he is demanding. On the other hand, what he will experience is your loving support as he adjusts to understanding his own feelings and emotions.

For more information on understanding Child Behaviours visit Help For Defiant Children.