Stop Children From Fighting
By using some specific techniques you can set limits for your child and prevent this from escalating into bullying.
These aggressions can start with yelling but will often move quickly into scratching, hitting, kicking and biting. The hostility your child is demonstrating may result from a need for attention; or. because another child has something they can’t have. Sometimes the child learns this behaviour from other children or adults and believes it is appropriate when it is not.
HOW TO TEACH THE CHILD THAT FIGHTING IS NOT ACCEPTABLE – CONSIDER THIS TECHNIQUE:
Step 1: When your child is involved in a play activity at home or outside, you should plan to be present and with little or no distractions. It is important to let your child sense your full attention is with them, but not be involved in the play activity.
You want your child to know that you are aware of what’s going on.
Step 2: If you know that your child is displaying aggressive tendencies while playing with a sibling or other children, watch for a change in behaviour to the point where the aggression begins. At this point, you should closely monitor the situation and only step-in should the actions become unsafe.
If the child is able to resolve the situation before another child is hurt, you should allow the child that brief moment to correct their behaviour. However, it is essential to be ready to step in without hesitation if the bad behaviour picks up.
WHEN TO STEP IN:
Step 3: At the time when the play turns from safe to potentially unsafe your role changes to that of ‘counsellor’. Do not react in a ‘loud or angry way’; but remain relaxed, calm and loving.
Place you hand directly in the path of the aggression firmly dividing the two children involved. Your primary goal is to stop the hitting before it becomes hurtful.
Step 4: At this point give the child a verbal message in a clear, firm voice while still displaying a loving and calm demeanour. While making direct eye contact, state something like, “Johnny, I will not let you hit Tommy”. You have established a limit and should say nothing more but continue the eye contact.
Each child will react differently to this technique. You may have some that will immediately quiet down and resume normal play – great. Some children may feel angry and cry or have a tantrum as they work out their feeling of frustration. For that child you need to allow them time to work out their crying without confronting them. You should be present, loving and available for support when the sobbing diminishes and they search for your comforting arms.
Another child may be defiant and want to continue the aggression by escalating the behaviour. You will need to repeat your verbal message just as before, “Johnny, I will not let you hit Tommy”; during which time you step-in with the same action of dividing the children with your hand. Keep calm and be firm but say nothing else.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
You want to let the child know you understand their feelings; you are present, loving and supportive but will not “allow” that behaviour. By keeping calm and not “aggressively reacting” the child will begin to realize that there are acceptable limits and non-acceptable limits. It may take repeating this technique several times so be consistent each time.
Keep in mind that when a child stomps his feet and yells or cries (has a tantrum) it could take some time. Remember to only step in if the situation becomes unsafe. The crying will stop when they see that you do not react to it. Just remember to monitor the situation closely.
Ultimately by establishing ‘limits’ with your children, this aggressive behaviour will diminish. The most important thing to remember is that you will be preventing these tendencies from escalating to bullying and further fighting as the child gets older.
Discover more techniques on Aggressive Behaviour, Temper Tantrums, How to Deal with Sibling Rivalries and Defiant Children at: Help For Defiant Children.