“Why is it so hard to find somewhere to park outside a car showroom?” is the question I asked as I pulled into what was probably the fifth one of the day.

I don’t have the knack for this sort of thing. If I was good at being a man, I would be discussing engines, cylinders and something oil liquidation. Instead I do a quick check to make sure all four wheels are present and then look at the next one, whilst trying to avoid the teenagers in baseball caps who probably could help me if I knew what I wanted. CD or cassette? Neither if it’ll save me £20. I’m only really concerned about the insurance premiums which could top £6,000 for next-to nothing.

I’m looking for something cheap and second-hand. Normally this means spending hours poring through Auto Trader but I’ve decided to spice things up a bit by simply finding a road that I think will have dealers along it, and seeing what I find. So far the answer is not a lot.

Incidentally, I don’t think I can use the word “dealers” any more without making some sort of a sarcastic drugs remark.

I write all sorts of absolute tosh. Here’s some more of it.